I’ve made a decision about what I want to do next professionally. (More about that in a different post.) What’s been interesting since I made the decision a week and a half ago is what my internal reaction has been to having arrived at a decision. Yes, I’m relieved but in a quieter way than I expected. I’m also….I don’t know quite how to describe it. Back in the fall I gave my notice at work without any idea what I would do once my current job ended at the end of the school year. Since I had no idea what direction my life would go I’ve been trying to stay open to as many new things as possible. This has been liberating. But now that I have a goal, I have to come up with a plan. The left side of my brain has been reactivated and I’m back to being task oriented and focused. But here’s the thing – I miss the right side of my brain! The not knowing, the looking for new experiences to try, the being open to new people in ways I hadn’t been before…all these things have been so good for me.
The new life I’m envisioning will look very different from my old life. No two weeks will be exactly alike. I’ll have pockets of free time throughout the day. This feels good – right. Having a less rigid day in and day out structure is a good starting point. But I don’t want my new approach to life to stop there. That will be the challenge.
I write this post at 8pm on a Thursday night at Starbucks. I took today off to have an outpatient screening test and I’m still a tad groggy from the anesthesia. I spent the afternoon sleeping but I woke up needing to engage in life again. And I needed to get out of the house! So here I sit, reading and writing. (Long hand I might add. At the top of my “To Do” list is to buy my first ever laptop because writers need a laptop, right?!) The guy at the register is noticeably happy and shares, with just a little bit of prodding, that he is excited about his upcoming first date with a girl he really likes. The old me wouldn’t even have been here; the new me is and feels right at home.