The next 12 days will be emotional ones as I begin to say goodbye at work. It’s not often in life when first you stay in one place a long time (17 years!) and then you leave. I’ll have the opportunity to speak with many people and I’m hoping to be fully “present” each and every time someone says something to me; to really hear what they have to say; to be open and receptive to the gift of their words and positive feelings. It feels sacred and I find myself wishing for some kind of ritual to help prepare me.
In lieu of an actual ritual, I’ve tried to prepare as best I can. By choice I’ve had a quiet three-day weekend both to counteract the insane busyness of last weekend which was my birthday weekend but also to prepare for the week ahead which is the final week of religious school. I’ve tried, though somewhat unsuccessfully, to get a lot of sleep; I’ve worked out in some fashion each day; I’ve eaten better and have actually done some healthy cooking (yeah me!); I’ve straightened the house, mowed the lawn, and spent lots of time outdoors; I’ve done a lot of reading and writing. Overall, I’ve spent a fair amount of time being quiet and alone. And when I wasn’t alone, I made sure I was with people who fill me up with their positive energy. I hope this will be enough.
Feeling good about myself is still a struggle at times and the days ahead present a rare opportunity for me to hear how I’ve impacted others. To be told how others see me. When you are an introvert, like I am, it is easy to underestimate our impact since we frequently operate behind the scenes. Since first announcing my forthcoming departure back in the fall, I have been amazed at the number of people who have felt compelled to wish me well. They’ve done so in person, on the phone, in cards and emails, and through donations made in my honor. Wow.
And I also want to have fun and to be joyful. To celebrate the close of one chapter of my life and the beginning of another.